When Mum Says She's Fine
JW
There comes a point where you start wondering if your parents are really managing as well as they say. Especially if you’re in London, Singapore, or Hong Kong and they’re aging in Sydney.
Mum insists she's fine.
But the fridge looks a bit bare and you just know a lot of jars are out of date. The home is getting dust mites in the corners. And she's not going out as much as she used to. She might be quietly working out whether a toilet will be close by and accessible before she goes anywhere.
It's not exactly crisis. But it's a sign things are quietly changing.
The patterns I've noticed
I've been spending time lately with an 89 year old in Sydney's Eastern Suburbs. She's sharp, dry humoured, and full of perspective.
In her working years, she helped run the marketing for the dental practice she and her husband built together, and also held a senior role with IBM when the company was expanding in Australia.
She's spoken about what it's like to lose bits of independence after a hospital stay. How strange it feels to need help when you've spent a lifetime managing everything yourself.
Suddenly strangers are in your home and your body doesn't do what you want anymore. And the kids are there, but busy in their own lives and they don't quite understand how hard it's been.
Ageing isn't just physical. It's emotional. It's a challenge to your whole identity.
She might be quietly working out whether a toilet will be close by and accessible before she goes anywhere.
Why The Gentle PA exists
The name came from wanting to offer a soft introduction to life with care. An extension of family. A friend who can help with the bills, help out if the home needs a freshen up, or sit and enjoy a cuppa and a chat, good humoured or more serious. Someone who's interested in hearing about their lives, what they've done, who they were in younger years.
My background's not in nursing (although I really should have been one) and aged care is a new space, although it feels familiar because my background is in people.
I worked in Qantas First Class for over ten years. That's where my service instincts come from. When people are paying $20,000 you learn to make sure they're getting a high level of service and there's an intuition that kicks in. I notice the fine details around people and I can pre-empt their needs.
After leaving the airline, I worked in other people-focused roles. Local government recruitment where my phone calls were to Mayors and C suite Execs, and at a local hotel where all parts of the community come together. But I wasn't fulfilled. While watching the 89 year old hotel publican (who used to come to work for an hour every day, still with a sharp eye for the numbers) I realised there's a big gap between full independence and formal aged care. Someone who feels like a PA but can also handle life when those delicate moments happen (incontinence, hearing problems, falls).
Practical help with a high focus on making sure dignity is maintained. Companionship, a shared joke. Someone who's close at hand when family can't be.
What support can look like
Sometimes it's help after a hospital stay. Sometimes it's keeping the house ticking along. Sometimes it's simply company and conversation at home over a cuppa, or at a favourite cafe in Bellevue Hill, Double Bay, or Mosman.
It's not clinical. It's not formal. It's help that makes life feel more connected. An easy introduction to a new way of being. And the nice thing is, once they find me, they love the new addition.
What makes this different to agency care?
With The Gentle PA, you get consistent care. I work flexibly with a small number of clients, so I'm always close at hand when you need me. Mum won't need a $300 round trip taxi to the doctor on the day you can't come (true client story). I can take her. And I'll know if something's off because I've been there before. I notice the patterns.
Agency care means rostered visits. Different faces. Many workers who are ticking boxes, not building relationships. Put Mum with someone who is dedicated to understanding her, not someone just clocking hours between uni classes. It also often means casual staff with fixed hours. I work flexibly. If Mum needs me earlier, later, or longer, I can stay.
The early days
The Gentle PA is still young.
So far, I've helped a few families through personal connections. One from my Qantas days, and a chairman of the board who found me by googling "PA for elderly" (his elderly aunt and uncle's hoarding situation meant in-home care was a challenge and they urgently needed logistics).
Even in these early stages, I've seen how meaningful this kind of support can be. Adult kids navigating business, divorce, renovations and kids in HSC want help. Parents want to stay independent. There's a middle ground. And that's where I come in.
If you've started noticing small changes with your parents in Sydney, it might be time to talk about what gentle support could look like.
Call me.
Support for your parents. Peace of mind for you.
Jane
M: 0416 563 428
www.thegentlepa.com